Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Have you ever thought of ending it all? I have. It all seems so simple. If life sucks why even live through it? Aren't we all supposed to have some type of purpose to our lives? Or is that what we are told so the suicide rate doesn't climb through the roof? I was raised in the church and have a very strong belief in God and with that I was taught that if you killed yourself you would basically just go to hell! Oh my the torture and basically that's why I haven't ended my life. I don't know about the people who don't believe in God but let's just say your wrong and he does exist...Did you just waste your short miserable life in exchange for an eternity in hell? I don't know about you but I have decided when looking at the bigger picture that I will not gamble my soul because ETERNITY is longer than 100 years (hopefully you live that long) in case you were unaware. Although we probably have all had the same thoughts at one point in time or another, THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS THOUGHT and if you are actually contemplating suicide while you are reading this, here is a link that I found that may save your life: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

I am a victim of knowing and loving someone who committed suicide and honestly it sucks that he ended his life the way he did. I'll call him Bob. Bob and I were together for quite some time and although I was aware that Bob had some suicidal thoughts at some points in his life, I never actually thought it was something he would really do. At the time Bob had a son, he was his mother's only child, he had a great job, he owned his apartment, he had 2 cars and of course me. Sounds great huh? Well somewhere in Bob's head something wasn't right! There were times that Bob would go through depressions but I just associated the depression with the "drama" he had in his life. There was a point that I guess deep down I knew it was very serious but I felt so helpless. This was out of my control, I knew I wasn't capable of helping but he was so against going for help. According to him it wasn't THAT serious! I fell for it, I thought "it takes a lot for someone to actually do it" and to me the situation didn't seem that bad, why would I think differently? Well maybe he didn't do it that time but about 18 months later he had actually done it!!!
I would say finding out Bob was dead at his own hands was the worst day of my life. Could I have prevented it? If I knew he was serious 18 months prior would I have stayed with him and basically babysat him his whole life? I even had the thought that if he was capable of killing himself, would he have taken me with him? To this day I can't answer most of those questions cause the reality is Bob is gone! To this day I carry burdens most don't. I can't help but think of his only child losing a father, his mother losing her only child, and the love of my life is no longer. The hardest thing about Bob committing suicide was where is his soul now? For a brief period after his death I didn't want to believe in God, at that moment I wanted to erase the thought of hell. I just couldn't comprehend that if he was tortured on earth is it fair to go straight to hell? Was God that unforgiving? I mean what if Bob really needed psychological help and he never got it, is it the same punishment whether he was sane or not? Is anyone really sane if they actually commit this act? I don't know but I just didn't want to know that the man I loved for all those years is now tortured in his after life. I could not bear for him to continue to suffer but yet while i'm suffering for his loss he quite simply was gone. No thought about his child, his mother, or me. It was easy for Bob to end it all while the rest of us just cried. While Bob's suffering was over it was just the beginning for the ones he left behind.

We all make our choices but if you choose to end your life is it possible that through all the pain you stop and think of the ones you will leave behind. If you choose to end your life, can you honestly say that you at least tried to save it first? Did you seek help? Did you talk to anyone? Go to Church? Medications? Tell me something, anything because these are the questions your victims will be asking after your gone. The questions may never get answered, mine didn't. Time does heal some of the pain but so far it hasn't completely healed me. Think about why you should be living versus not living at all...things change, situations change, people change, and God did not put something in your path that he felt you couldn't handle.

For more information on how to beat suicide or for suicidal behaviors, here are some sites:


  1. Nowhere in the Bible does it say if you commit suicide that you will go to hell. It does say not to judge people. We honestly don't know in those last final moments what their conversation with God was, it's not up to us to judge that. The more important question is did he have Jesus Christ in his heart, did he live a Godly life, one that worshipped and praised Him! I love your blogs there pretty cool. Keep up the good work!

  2. You are absolutely right but the way I was told and understood about sins was that your sins needed to be redeemed by God, in order for that to happen you would have to ask God for forgiveness on the sins you have committed. Taking your life is a sin or so I thought and if you take your life how do you redeem yourself with God, in his presence? The point that I am making is that we don't have the answers to those questions. I don't know what his final thoughts were and in no way am I judging Bob but I didn't want to think that in the end his soul could've possibly ended up in another unhappy place.

  3. Suicide is the cowards way out in the most courages way it can be done. It takes a lot of courage to commit such an act upon yourself. Yet the person failed to see that he or she did have the strength to get help. It seems to me that if a person has a true spiritual sense of being, then they would know God has the power to get them through any thing. Unfortunately not everyone has been blessed to have parents that plant the seeds of faith so deep that not even the strongest earthquake can shake out. You are absolutely right about the ones that are left behind, they are the ones that deal with the aftermath. Even people who may not have known the victom feels the pain and lost and also have questions that can not be answered. So for anyone who feels that suicide is the way out, please before you do it call someone, anyone even a stranger who won't judge you. Also remember whatever your faith turn to it.

  4. Returning from my previous comment. Sin separates us from God's love. It doesn't keep us from going to heaven. God knows we are human flesh and that we live in a corrupt world. If he (Bob) accepted Jesus Christ in his heart and was born again following God's commandments. He could be in heaven! We just don't know, try to think that maybe he is in a happier place (depends if he had Christ in his heart). Now if he didn't have Jesus in his heart and didn't profess to man that he was a Christian. Then I would be sad and worried for his soul. <3